Today as I sit here working away on my thesis, my brain just can’t stop thinking its way through so many things and my heart can’t process the weight of humanity. But I guess I shouldn’t expect it to.
This morning as I sat with Jesus, I read the beginning of the story again. The beginning of His story. And when I got to Noah, I wept. I mean my coffee cup splashed coffee into my lap, my muffin fell into my coffee. I simply sat in that moment and just wept.
For once my weeping wasn’t about my pain, my loss, my grief. It wasn’t about our little Noé (Noah) that we lost last March. It was about this Noah’s story, this Noah’s reality. The wickedness that surrounded him, the way the people around him were consumed in things other than the Lord. Because their vision had shifted from God over a period of time, they were consumed in wickedness. And as I read that portion this morning, my reaction to weep was because of the wickedness that surrounds us in this world today. People’s vision has shifted from being steady on Jesus to being steady on themselves, on money, on power, on whatever they have chosen as their god(s). And I continued weeping as God chose to annihilate everything and everyone on earth (because of their wickedness) as he wished he had never given them life…God grieved over his creation. Except when it came to Noah, as Noah found favor and grace in the eyes of the Lord (Genesis 6).
We all know the next part- God told Noah to construct the ark, who and what to take on, and Noah obeyed fully. For real, you guys! Noah just did it. And God made a covenant with Noah. And it began to rain, for 40 days and nights. “And everything on the dry land, all in whose nostrils was the breath and spirit of life, died” (Genesis 7: 22). Noah and his family were the only ones alive. Everything and everyone else was gone.
When God spoke to Noah, telling him it was time to get off the boat, Noah obeyed. They walked out, along with all of the animals he had taken aboard with them. And Noah built an altar to the Lord. And the Lord was pleased by the aroma of the burnt offerings Noah gave. And what happened next? God promised to “never again curse the ground because of man, for the intent (strong inclination, desire) of man’s heart is wicked from his youth; and to never again destroy every living thing, as he had done.” (Genesis 8: 21). Chapter 9 speaks of blessings from the Lord to Noah and his family, and also instructions over their lives. We also read of the covenant of the rainbow given to Noah and his family, and all who would come after. The promise that He had made between himself and all living creatures. To never again curse or destroy.
I continued to read on about Noah’s life this morning, but this is the portion that I’m choosing to share. I share because I struggled to sleep last night as my reality came colliding into the fact that so many have grown cold. So many who profess to love Jesus aren’t walking with their eyes on Him. So many who say they believe in Him are acting in ways that aren’t consistent with what they believe. And my heart. My heart is weary, my heart is burdened, my heart grieves over this world and the choices we have made. I say we because all of us play a part. Whether in our silence or in our boasting, we haven’t helped the situation.
Last night, I wept. As I shared my heart with my husband, I wept. I don’t want to grow cold in my love, I don’t want to become silent in order not to argue. I want to share his gospel continually, love unconditionally, and be Jesus to this world in more ways than I can mention. I want to continue sharing in this good news that is Christ, and I choose to also participate in the burden that will always be heavy on my heart too. I choose to carry this cross, because Noah did. Because his eyes stayed focused on the one who gave him life. Because he obeyed with everything he had. And I want to do that too. I want to continue walking in what he has for me, whether its what I would choose or not. Because this whole story is about Him and all of the glory is for Him. All of it.
I will not let my heart grow cold, nor let my love run dry. I’m committed to continue walking with Jesus even when the cross gets to heavy to carry. Because I’m not alone, neither was Noah.